On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
That's intense
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
