pop tarts are not kleenex
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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