but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
