I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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