I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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