I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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