Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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