We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
