I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
wakey wakey hands off snakey
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
