i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
