jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
