I'm really into asian looking animals
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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