my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
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Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
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I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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