i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
