just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We have so much sex to catch up on
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
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Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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