I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
