so that wasnt chicken after all
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
