He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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