"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
