Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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