No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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