I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
