if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
