It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just threw up on my dentist
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
