im having a threesome with these popsicles
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
