fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
