my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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