you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
