I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
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After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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