Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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