I will die if light touches me.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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