I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
