when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
