She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
