escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
