Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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