When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
