finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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