there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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