How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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