I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
