i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
