alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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