Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
