Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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