somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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