One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
