no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
