Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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