Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
