just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
