Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
