This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
