apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
