6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
