At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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