I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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