Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
