dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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