oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
